Jessica’s+Codes+of+Law

Jessica's Code of Laws
 * 1) If you kill a leader (a member of the government) you will get hung.
 * 2) If you kill another family member you will have a lifetime in jail.
 * 3) If you kill a stranger or a friend you will have 10 years in jail and your dominant hand will be cut off.
 * 4) If a man hits a child his son/daughter will be killed.
 * 5) If a woman hits a child her hair will be shaved and her hand will be cut off.
 * 6) If a child hits a child the hand that was used to hit will be cut off.
 * 7) If a mother insults her children she will have 2 fingers cut off.
 * 8) If a father insults his children 3 fingers will be cut off.
 * 9) If a person drinks beer or wine they have to pay $1,000,000 and get rid of all their liquor.
 * 10) If a person smokes, eats Tabaco, etc. all of the bones in their body will get crushed.
 * 11) If someone steals something that costs more than $5,000 they have to buy anything of the person that they stole from’s choice.
 * 12) If someone steals something that costs less than $5,000 they have to pay for that thing.
 * 13) If someone uses a phone (unless it is 911 or another emergency) while driving they will get eaten alive by flies.
 * 14) If a rich person makes fun of a homeless person they have to buy him/her a house and get them a really good job.
 * 15) If a poor person makes fun of a homeless person they have to switch lives with that person.
 * 16) If someone has a book from the library that is overdue they have to pay $1,000.
 * 17) If they don’t/can’t pay the fine they have to mortgage their house so they can pay for it.
 * 18) If you hurt a domestic animal all of your pets will get killed.
 * 19) If you hurt a wild animal you have to pay $99,999 or else you have to help the animal until it is better.
 * 20) All kids must attend school from age five to age 20.
 * 21) If you don’t have a good reason to not be at school you will get five fingernails pulled out.
 * 22) You will be required to try your hardest in everything you do or else you will have to go around town for 10 days picking up trash anywhere you see it.
 * 23) People serving in the military must be treated with respect and kindness (you offer them into your house, make them dinner, etc.)
 * 24) You will be required to do at least 20 hours of community service per month or else you will get ran over by a car.
 * 25) If you are not in good health you may not attend school.
 * 26) As soon as you are not feeling well you must go to the doctor or you will die of sickness.
 * 27) There must be at least 1,000,001 people serving in the military at a time.
 * 28) People must go around wearing name tags so others can say hello or else you have to buy name tags for everyone in the state that you live in.
 * 29) Everyone must wear a smile on their face at all times (with the exception of death or serious injury) or else their mouth will get cut off.
 * 30) Every citizen in the U.S.A. must have an American I.D. card or else they get kicked out.
 * 31) If you come into America and you don’t get an I.D. card you have to leave, you owe $100, and your hand gets cut off.
 * 32) Every person that comes into America must speak English or else they have to go to a special Spanish school that will teach them.
 * 33) Everyone must speak more than one language or else they have to write Spanish 282 times.
 * 34) Everyone must sign up for either a beach clean-up, a park clean-up, or a town clean-up at least twice a year.
 * 35) Everyone must work as any member of any school board at least once in their lifetime or else they will have all the stuff they learned in school erased from their brains and they will have to go to school again.
 * 36) For every time a person volunteers for something they will get $100 in their bank account without knowing it. (If they were doing the volunteer work as community service hours or something it still counts.)
 * 37) If a person commits a minor crime (cussing, getting in really big fights, being a gangster, etc.) and they claim it was an accident they get alcohol poured in their eyes.
 * 38) If a person commits a minor crime and it was on purpose they have their hand cut off and they have to run 50 miles (without stopping).
 * 39) If a person commits a major crime (stealing, murdering people, etc.) and they claim it was an accident they have their rib cage broken.
 * 40) If a person commits a major crime and it was on purpose they have their limbs cut of one by one until they die.
 * 41) All orphans must go to a foster home until they get adopted.
 * 42) The orphans that get adopted by adults must be treated properly or else the orphan gets taken away from you.
 * 43) If you build a house with poor building material the house will fall down when you just move in, and if this does not kill you will be drowned.
 * 44) If you sell a house with poor building material you owe the buyer $1,000,000,000.
 * 45) If you counterfeit (without a counterfeiting badge) you owe me all your money and your hand.
 * 46) If you want to hold a garage sell or a yard sell you must fill out certain paperwork.
 * 47) If you don’t fill out the paperwork you must give back the money to the customers (they get to keep the things the buy) plus $500.
 * 48) If you sell drugs you have to watch your drugs be blown up then you will have your hand cut off and 3 toenails pulled out.
 * 49) If you sell any other things illegally you get blown up with them.
 * 50) You must not take baths or else you will drown in a bathtub.
 * 51) You must take a shower every day or else you will get skinned.
 * 52) The girls must wash their hair every other day or else their hair will get shaved off.
 * 53) The men must wash their hair twice a week or else they will get 2 fingernails pulled out.
 * 54) The girls must put on Avon body spray every day or else they can’t eat for 24 hours.
 * 55) Everyone must put on some sort of deodorant on every day or else their armpits will get cut off.
 * 56) The women’s shorts and skirts must be as long as their knees (except for uniforms) or else they get 3 fingers cut off.
 * 57) The men’s shorts must go down to their fingers or else they get their fingers cut off.
 * 58) The women’s shirts must have sleeves or else they must run 30 miles.
 * 59) Men may only go shirtless during sports or else they can’t play sports ever again and they have to get their nails painted.
 * 60) Your shoes must be fit for the season and occasion or else they must run barefoot over hot coals.
 * 61) You must play at least one sport or every day you don’t play one you have to run a mile.
 * 62) 3-10 year olds must play outside for at least 20 minutes a day or else they get 5 spanks with a stick.
 * 63) 11-40 year olds must exercise for at least 30 minutes a day or else they have to swan dive off a cliff.
 * 64) 41-80+ year olds must be outside for at least 10 minutes a day or else they have to camp outside for a night.
 * 65) You must drink at least 50 ounces of water a day or you will thirst to death.
 * 66) For every 3 ounces of food that you eat you get a serving of dessert. (The 3 ounces must be a nice variety.)
 * 67) Everyone must get free Wi-Fi.
 * 68) Everyone must have a phone.
 * 69) You must keep your room clean at all times.
 * 70) You must read for at least an hour a day.
 * 71) If you have an overdue project you get a month to finish it.
 * 72) Everyone must have their own room.
 * 73) Kids get at least a $10 allowance every week.
 * 74) If you are an only child you get at least $20 in allowance.
 * 75) There must be enough jobs for everyone to have one.
 * 76) If there aren’t enough jobs the government will pay the people that don’t have jobs $1,000,000.
 * 77) The swimming pools must be at least 60 degrees warm.
 * 78) If there is a diving board the pool must be 15 feet deep.
 * 79) If you have Skype or something on your computer you must talk with relatives that live in different states.
 * 80) If you break any of the rules above you get automatic DEATH!!!!!